The call came yesterday just before noon. I have a surgery date on May 4th. This afternoon I received verification that they were able to get me into next Tuesday's pre-op Nutrition Class. All of a sudden, things are very real.
I would be less-than-honest if I didn't admit to some moments of feeling a little scared. The fact that I have to take a copy of my living will with me is a reminder that "no surgery is 'routine' when it's YOU." And this is no "routine surgery" to begin with.
But I trust that my surgeon knows what he is doing. He has performed this surgery on several people I know personally. One of those women was so "high risk" that she doesn't even remember attending support group meetings prior to surgery! I trust that all those tests they did last week were for a very good reason, and if there had been concerns, I wouldn't be having it done this quickly. I also trust that, without the surgery, I would have very few quality years left to live.
Most of all, I trust my God.
I am writing a "What If" book-- filled with letters to my children, my mom, my husband, my church family. There are last little things I would want them to remember. I've written some thoughts about what kind of "party" I would want to remember me... "if"... And there are some funny pages in the book, as you might well expect.
The next eleven days are going to fly by. I have to go pack up our daughter's things from college because my surgery is the same week as her finals. I am trying to clean out the cupboards and make sure there are foods that Jim can fix for himself and Cheyanne in case cooking makes me nauseous. I am trying to get worship services done in advance, and powerpoints done for Mothers' Day and Graduation Sunday. I am reading everything I can read to prepare and answer all those last minute questions.
Note to self: Make time to pray.
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