Steps Forward and Back

First, the good news:

I have lost close to 35 pounds since having bariatric surgery on May 4th.  I am checking my blood sugars several times daily.  I am forcing myself to walk, even if I don't want to.  With the exception of adding a couple of bites of watermelon to my meal last night, I am following the meal plan according to specifications.  I am drinking lots of fluids and taking all my vitamins "religiously".

Prior to surgery, I did well to check my blood sugar once a week.  I NEVER exercised because the knees and back screamed at me when I did.  I ate all the time, never drank water and often forgot the vitamins.

Now the "bad" news:

If I take the pain killers that give me energy and alleviate the pain from twisting a knee last week, I experience anxiety attacks in public.  (Me, the extravert, the confident and self-assured person... finding it hard to breathe in a store because of the crowd!)

My blood sugars keep going up, even as I increase the amount of insulin.  This morning it was 250!!  I am trying to remind myself that I am doing MY part.  I see my endocrinologist on Monday and she will either deal with this or I will find a new one.  I am doing all those things posted above.  It is THEIR duty to figure out what meds are going to work.

And yet, my stress continues to grow.  The main reason I took this HUGE life-changing step was to lose the weight so I can get this diabetes under control.  And stress will make the numbers go up.  It's a vicious cycle.  I HATE  DIABETES!

I am going to turn this over to God to control because, obviously, I can't control it.  The Serenity Prayer comes to mind.  Think I will go into the sanctuary, practice the sermon and say that prayer a few more times.  Thanks for listening!